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WE’RE GOING TO FLORIDA
WE’RE GOING TO FLORIDA
and you’re not-ot
neener, neener, neener!!!

My thoughts are racing, I’m seeing it now. I can feel the sand between my toes, smell the ocean, hear the sound of the waves crashing gently on the beach and oh, those funny little birds that run back and forth with the rhythm of the waves, how cute are they???

I’m doing a mental inventory of what to pack. I’ll have to buy a few things, but I can be ready in a New York minute if I need to.

When, do we leave, when, when, when do we leave?

MY VISION OF OUR TRIP TO THE FLORIDA KEYS:

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I can’t KEEP CALM, we’re going to Florida!

Oh boy, a vacation to the Florida Keys! I haven’t been there since I was a kid…

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We can have so much fun…

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I can hardly wait…

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We can spend some much needed quality time together…

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Relaxing…

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Maybe even…

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How romantic…

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Yep, in my mind we were already there, that is, until you said those words. I wasn’t even sure that I had heard you correctly, I must have misunderstood.

Did you say that you can take your bike and then you can ride your bike from the Florida Keys all the way back to Miami while I follow behind you in the car?

Nawww, you didn’t say that did you? You did say that? You are kidding, right? You’re not kidding? You offered to take me to the Florida Keys, a vacation, a romantic getaway for us both, right? Not right? Okay, processing data, just give me a moment, I think that my server is slow…..

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No, really, I’m confused. Help me to understand your offer of a trip to Florida, because I was thinking that we would be together, having fun, doing the kind of things that couples do when on vacation in Florida.

Uh oh, I can tell by that pulsating vein in your neck that you were serious about the bike thing, sooo……….how about NO!

I am inclined to laugh at the absurdity of your vision of a trip to Florida with me, your wife who doesn’t bike, at all, whatsoever. I will refrain from laughter due to the fact that your pulsating vein is saying, “hey girl, HERE’S YOUR SIGN, don’t poke the bear, or laugh at the bear, or question the bear, and so on.”

I’m fortunate that you can’t see the thought bubbles over my head, so many bubbles…

MY VISION HAS MORPHED INTO SOMETHING QUITE DIFFERENT, SOMETHING ALMOST COMICAL, INSTEAD OF MY PREVIOUS VISION OF SAND, WAVES AND CUTE LITTLE BIRDS.

MY NEW VISION, ACTUALLY YOUR VISION, OF DRIVING BEHIND YOU AND “PRECIOUS” ALL THE WAY TO MIAMI:

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Great, just freakin’ great, we’re going to Florida, not for our togetherness but for his togetherness with his precious bike. Don’t they make a cute couple? I was jealous of his relationship with his bicycle long before I realized that Precious the bicycle wasn’t what I needed to be concerned about, she was the least of my worries.

So, my Florida vacation will go something like this, I drive a car from the Florida Keys all the way to Miami, behind a bicycle, looking at the backside of a man and his bike, going at his pace, droplets of sweat hitting the windshield, alone and angry thinking about what could have been. Yippee! I can hardly wait.
My eyes will be crossed after looking at nothing but backside and road, backside and road, oh, and then there’s some sweat droplets hitting the windshield so, wipers on, wipers off, wipers on, wipers off, oh sweet mother of…..kill me now, please, just kill me now.

You must really trust me to do the right thing like not hit you and your precious bicycle when there will be so many opportunities to take you and “precious” out, and by out, I don’t mean out to dinner.

What if we compromise? Now YOU don’t understand? Let me explain with pictures for you by using the KISS system – keep it simple (for you) stupid.

I would need to be entertained, how about you provide a view for my entertainment, such as…

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Or maybe this…

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Or this…

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I could at least laugh all the way back to Miami if you would humor me with any of these three scenarios, how’s that sound Mr. Bicycle Man, that sound like a plan?

I’ll even buy you a shirt. How about this one? It’s very bright, easy for MOST drivers to see. Safety first my precious narcissistic, self serving sack of sh, I mean sweetness. We wouldn’t want a careless, maybe fatigued or perhaps even very angry driver to not see you and your precious bicycle, now would we?

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I mean, accidents DO happen, don’t they? Accidents, that’s right, they do happen.

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Speaking of accidents, the life insurance policy is paid up, it’s current, right? Wouldn’t that be a bummer, no life insurance with an exciting but risky, some might say dangerous trip via bicycle on dangerous roads and highways traveled by speeding vehicles driven by all kinds of people. Some might not even like sharing the road with a jack ass, I mean a proficient cyclist, no matter what the laws regarding the sharing of the roads with bicycles are in the state of Florida. There’s all kinds of crazies out there. You just might be in danger if you don’t take the proper precautions. Heck, you might be even if you do take the proper precautions, uh huh.

This has been fun, reliving the Florida vacation that never was, kind of.

AND NOW FOR MY VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT…

There are so many times that due to my husband’s quirky personality (Narcissistic Personality Disorder of the Covert Somatic kind) that I have been confused, hurt, angry and so much more. I spent years of my life with him trying to understand why, why do I feel so bad, unhappy, sick and tired, etc.?

He would always assure me that it was my fault, I was an unhappy person by nature, I was impossible to live with, I was crazy, imagining things because nothing was his fault. He was a great husband and I was lucky to have him, especially considering that I was a horrible wife, someone who could never be pleased, probably needed to be medicated and see a “talking doctor.” That’s right, he calls mental health professionals “talking doctors,” oh, sweet mother of….oops, I digress.

I then discovered Google, beautiful, wonderful Google. You are my friend and fellow explorer of all things narcissistic and dysfunctional. Meeting you has sure put a new spin on things, not a pretty spin, but a new informative and disturbing one.

I became a googling fool, an expert of sorts on all things that I could Google. I eventually googled “man without empathy,” (I won’t go into detail as to why, at least not right now) and EUREKA! I struck the mother lode of information about NPD. What a relief, there it was, my husband’s quirky personality, followed by a huge OH, NO, SAY IT AIN’T SO!

Yep, it wasn’t me, not my fault, he is a freaky and cruel Narcissist. That was the relief part of my Google discovery.

The OH, NO, SAY IT AIN’T SO part was when I read that NPD can’t be cured. It’s a disorder not a disease. It’s who and what they are, permanent and ingrained. These creatures can’t even be treated due to the fact that they believe that they are just fine, perfect in every way, amazing and special, well, you get the inflated EGO picture. NPD is known as the disorder that makes those closest to the Narcissist sick, depressed, unhappy and usually seeking treatment from a “talking doctor” just to survive the nightmare of living with a Narcissist.

It’s a life changer, living with a Narcissist, especially a covert Narcissist. Whether you put name on it or not the experience alone will change you forever.

I eventually came to realize that the term Narcissistic Sociopath is a more complete description of the personality traits of the man I married. My sister had told me that she thought that he was a Sociopath, but I was in denial. NPD was already too much for me to process in the beginning stages of my quest for knowledge. Had I realized that the term Sociopath should have been included I’m not sure that I could have slept at night, or eaten, or ever taken a shower again without an armed guard outside of the bathroom door. I saw the movie Psycho as a child, not appropriate of course, and it has left a lasting impression on me, as well as a slight shower phobia, you know, that sound effect during the slashing, the shower curtain and the drain, stop, make me stop, I need to envision Julie Andrews in a field of flowers in Austria, twirling, smiling and singing. That’s better, so much better.

I have now experienced enough unpleasantness to know that there is a difference, and it’s a very disturbing difference between NPD and Narcissistic Sociopath. I still use the term Narcissist without including Sociopath because it’s easier to explain and its easier to accept, even for me, so Narcissist is my preferred terminology.

To the outside world, their friends, acquaintances, coworkers and anyone who doesn’t live with them they are amazing, charming, charismatic, loved and admired by all. My husband has what I refer to as a fan club. They think the world of him, but they haven’t seen what is behind the mask. It’s pure darkness, nothing good, absolutely nothing. It’s very frightening when the mask is off behind closed doors. The only word that can describe the darkness is evil. I’m not exaggerating or being melodramatic, I am describing what exists when the mask comes off.

Alright, enough about the darkness. It’s time to medicate with humor, it’s what I do. I’d probably drink but alcohol makes me stupid and then it makes me vomit, I mean it makes me very sick. Sorry, too much information for most people, so sick it is.

I had a few thought bubbles (pictures & cartoons) left over so why not end with some of those, just for the fun of it.

I need to laugh since I don’t want to get stupid and sick. Enjoy a laugh at the narcissistic cyclist’s expense, I know that I will, so here you go!

THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION IS A COLLECTION OF MY UNUSED BUT ENTERTAINING (MY PERSONAL OPINION) POTENTIAL VISIONS & THOUGHT BUBBLES OF THE VACATION THAT NEVER WAS.

 

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Hello Precious, how YOU doin? Oh, sorry to hear that, an accident you say…
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Mr. Cavalier Man, still living dangerously I see.

THE VACATION THAT NEVER WAS β™‘
It was so much fun reliving all of those fun and romantic things that we did, in my head! Thanks for the memories of what a vacation to Florida could have been if not for that quirky personality disorder.

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