COMPLEX PTSD is my constant companion. We know each other well. We are not friends, I have no friends, thanks to YOU, C-PTSD!
I wish that you would go away C-PTSD. I’ve grown tired of carrying you around everywhere I go. You are extremely heavy and I am not as strong as I once was. Even at my strongest the weight of you would have been overwhelming, too much to carry day in and day out. I’m weaker than I have ever been but I am forced to live every day catering to your every whim, and there are many. You even steal my sleep. You are the most demanding companion I have ever had.
You have caused nothing but chaos and darkness, a life draining level of fatigue that can not be described. You have created an atmosphere of fear. Yes, I am afraid of you. I am afraid of what you will do when we go out in public. You’re an embarrassment to me and to others around us when you decide to perform one of your nasty little tricks. Don’t you dare try to deny it, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m talking about your bag full of triggers that cause my heart to beat faster, my eyes to tear up and to dart around to see if anyone is looking at us, and the cold sweats, I hate those. Everyone can see me in a state of panic and I’m sure that you are amused by your total control over my body and mind. You are omnipotent, a puppet master and I am your puppet to play with and to embarrass by causing me to behave like the proverbial deer in the headlights. Again, don’t deny it! I have had to to talk to myself, out loud no less, just to finish getting my groceries when what I really want to do is cover my face and hope that nobody recognizes me as I run as fast as I can out of the store, groceries be damned!
You have infested every aspect of my life, you are a parasite. You can’t even be explained to others without my explanation of the truth of who and what you are sounding like an exaggeration, attention seeking drama, or maybe even the words of a lunatic. I’ve tried, it hasn’t gone as planned, also your fault.
I know, I’m blaming you for everything negative in my life, but you know what? You deserve the blame because you took over my thoughts and actions, you are now living my life and I have disappeared. I no longer exist without you.
You suck C-PTSD, you simply suck!